If we ever managed to get into Simon Cowell’s Marbella villa we’d 1) have a heartattack 2) throw up from excitement but then 3) immediately clean up and continue our time in the house covered in cling film so as not to taint anything Simon owns with our common hands.

This year’s X Factor contestants obviously feel different to us as when they arrived at Simon’s luxury villa they were somewhat loud and Simon confirmed “Yes, they did wake me up” and they also raided the music mogul’s personal stock of luxury beer and caused £5000 worth of damage to a Persian rug.

A source said: “Simon was far from impressed when the contestants woke him up as they arrived. He had been working late and had only been asleep for a couple of hours. Then they really let their hair down later. They were drinking, singing and partying.”

Apparently, “to teach them a lesson, any damage to the villa will have to be paid out of their first royalty cheque – if they make it.”

Yeah, good luck with that Simon. We’re not sure the local boozer in Worcester and such like pay the tidy sum of £5k for X Factor rejects.

Britney Spears has just released the advert for her new perfume Radiance.

In the video Britney wears a gown and visits a fortune teller. This is of course the accurate dictionary description of ‘radiance’.

We’ve come across a teaser for the video of Kylie Minogue’s new single ‘Get Outta My Way’.

It’s classic Kylie – as in she’s lying on the floor with half naked people. It never gets old.

Lindsay Lohan has only just been released from her stint in a rehab facility but obviously feels she has to make up for lost time as we spotted the Mean Girls actress out at the Chateau Marmont in LA on Saturday night.  

Despite this, it would seem Lindsay is keen not to slip back into her old ways and instead of accepting fees to make club appearances she’s apparently enlisted the help of the team behind Britney Spears’ comeback.

Lindsay has reportedly asked a team of experts, headed by hardcore Nashville businesswoman Lou Taylor, to help revamp her career. LiLo wants Lou to look after her finances and she hopes Britney's manager Larry Rudolph will breathe life into her dead music career.

A source close to the troubled star said:

"It is unbelievable. Lindsay is like a whole new woman. Just months ago she was trawling the clubs until the early hours and keeping the wrong company. Now all she can think about is work, work, work."

Which could be translated to ‘money, money, money’ for ‘drugs, drugs, drugs’. We’re only saying...

So what do you all think of Paris Hilton’s mug shot? Paris, who is used to posing in front of cameras, had to have her picture taken not for the media this time but for the police after she was arrested in Las Vegas over the weekend on a charge of cocaine possession.

The airhead - not to be mistaken for heiress - was a passenger in the Black Escalade pulled over by the cops outside the Las Vegas Wynn Hotel on Saturday.

Police originally pulled the car over as they thought they saw marijuana smoke billowing from the vehicle but the situation developed and Paris boyfriend Cy Watts, who was driving the car, was arrested for driving under the influence of drugs, and during a search police also found some coke on the socialite. Busted.

Or so you’d think but since Paris posted bail her lawyer has said, “I am gathering facts, but I caution people not to rush to judgment.”

Which makes us think Paris will be off the hook. So money can buy freedom as well as the latest designer bag, nice to know.

Mel B and husband Steohen Belafonte have split after a string of jealous rows. Wow, we’re surprised to hear that celebville’s randiest couple ever broke lip contacted long enough to breathe let alone have a blazing row.

Stephen confirmed on Sunday:

"Dude, it's over. Mel's coming back to the UK soon - but I won’t be coming with her. There's been problems lately. I don't know what's happening."

A friend of Mel’s has said that the couple had been quarrelsome for quite some time before eventually splitting:

"Part of the problem is jealousy. They are both livid when the other one gets attention from another person. They constantly want to know where the other one is. It's been an ongoing problem right from the start."

Apparently producer Stephen is already in talks with lawyers in LA about getting a divorce from Mel. Fast work!

No surprises here then.

Peter Crouch has proudly declared that his fiancé Abbey Clancy has taken him back and forgiven him for bedding a prostitute. The footballer said:

“We're OK, she's let me back into the house and everything's fine between us”

"We are happy and looking forward to the future together."

He added: "She's a young girl and she gets worried. Things are much better now. Finally things are getting back to normal. It's not been a great time but we're moving on - I think we're back on track. We're looking to the future. I love her very much."

‘She’s a young girl and she gets worried’?! Is it just us or does it sound as is Peter is reflecting the blame back to Abbey? Like if she was older she wouldn’t worry about his antics with prostitutes?! We’re seething, absolutely seething.

Amy Winehouse really knows how to work it doesn’t she? With those moves no one is likely to be immune to her sex appeal.

 Last night we spotted Amy making love to a doorframe as she headed to the Bull & Gate pub in Kentish Town to watch her pal Pete Doherty and former Libertines bandmate Carl Barat perform.

Excuse us now while we find a bin to barf in.